I had a conversation with God the other day.
I wondered
if our first parents became like God, ONLY in the very moment that they knew good from evil … how is evil a part of being God?
How does He know it?
And why am I like Him only by knowing it too?
These are the kinds of questions you ask after you lose a baby and a body part and other important things in the depths of winter, and darkness feels more present than light.
And the God of light and love feels far away.
And more than anything, you would like to sit with a God who knows the dark, and ask Him how He knows it, and what it feels like to Him too.
“I know where you’re at”, He said to me with His arm around my soul.
“I know it’s hard to understand, but I know what it feels like to be you.
You are a goddess in embryo”, He said.
“This is your birthright.
This dark is why you are here.
Your grief and your fears. Your judgements, and hypocrisy.
Your unbelief. Your selfishness.
They are gifts.
They are your path to empathy, to liberation, to joy, to bravery, to faith, to benevolence.
Exquisite dark expands your capacity for exquisite light.
And as I am all,
you are here to become all too.”
There is a force in this world that would like us to believe that God is one dimensional.
Safely kept in a nice neat little God box of ideals – light, love, eternal joy and happiness. All true. Yet at times, all profoundly unrelatable.
That same force tells us that we are one dimensional too – that when we’re sad, angry, judgemental (again), we’ve totally disconnected ourselves from that God Source. So we feel trapped there. In our destructive cycles and broken parts. “But just remember!” they say. “Remember your divine heritage! Remember that you are light and love! THEN you’ll know who you TRULY are.”
But sometimes walking here in this 3D world is so dark I can’t even see my hand in front of my face, let alone my own light and love. So instead I remember this.
When I feel anxiety, I ask it what bit of God it has for me.
“I’m here so you may know Peace”, it says.
When I feel ugly, I ask it what gift it’s here to give me.
“Oh, I’m here so you can know what beauty really is”, it says.
When I feel offended, I ask it what gift it has for me.
“I’m a mirror”, it says. “I will show the dark parts of yourself, so we can make them whole again.
I feel grief, and ask it what on earth it could possibly have for me.
“Oh I’m here so you may know Joy”, it says.
“And Empathy. Just as a fun little bonus gift”, it says.
I am all. Every shadow, and all the light.
My lowest lows are the only path to knowing the full breadth of my highest highs. The *only* path.
They are gifts, hand delivered by God himself, to us, gods and goddesses in embryo – growing, expanding, becoming, readying ourselves to be birthed.
